My Twilight Parody
by DarkAngelSnapeLover
Summary: I'm ba-aack, welcoming your flames with a little parody filled with me insulting your little book. Flames openly welcomed, dig as deep as you want.


**A/N: I'm ba-ack, and this time I'm using actual characters and I'm being overly disgusting. This is funny for those of you who hate twilight, which doesn't deserve a capital letter. Anyway, enjoy this, and be sure to leave a Flame if I pissed you off, made you cry even if I made you cry laughing: So…enjoy!

*Disclaimer: I don't want to own these characters. They suck…each other's vaginas.

To the parody/spoof now!

Bella was facing yet another dilemma. She had so much to tell the people that she loved in her life that it was hard to concentrate on anything, even a lame saga she was reading for school called 'Twilight'.

"What the fuck is this shit? I'm going upstairs to talk myself about vampires again. And it's time for another one of my heroin trips. Whoo, acid!" she exclaimed, climbing up the stairs quickly. She turned into her bathroom and locked the door. Needles lay on her vanity inside makeup cases with fake covers. Before she took one out and got herself fixed up, she looked up to her vanity.

Bella looked into the three mirrors in front of her.

"Jacob, I have herpes," she said to the one on her left. "Edward, I have gonorrhea," she said to the one on her right. "Bella, no more masturbation. You'll rot you hand off," she said to the one in the middle. "But, you can get your fix, until the burning starts, then you have to stop."

She got fixed up and walked through her neighborhood Walmart, taking all the 'Twilight' merchandise off the shelves. She got caught with these trillions of items pouring out of her pockets and she was forced to go to jail. Her first call was to Jacob.

"Jacob you're a slovenly bitch. Come bail my bitch ass out of jail," she slurred. Did she forget to mention the six bottles of vodka and a couple of snorts in the men's restroom?

"Hell no. It's not on my ass to save yours. We're still on for our midnight fuck tomorrow, right? It's the only thing that keeps me from sparkling."

"Go fuck yourself," Bella slurred, throwing down the phone and asking for another.

"This isn't the neighborhood bar, whore. Get back in line," the attendant demanded.

On Bella's way back to the end of the line, she accidentally fell onto one of Jacob's old bitches named Carlyle. The he/she spun around and started a riot on Bella's face.

"Edward! Edward save me!" she cried girlishly.

"No one's going to help you here, bitch," a pregnant lady screamed at her.

"Your face ain't pregnant," said the one next to her defiantly, and the two started tearing each other's faces off with their bitten-off nails.

"Break it up, bit-tches!" a guard screamed.

"Mommy! Mommy! I got the fever!" Bella screamed.

"The bitch is hallucinating. Why'd you kick her ass?" the guard screamed.

"She a bitch, Sir," the group chanted.

"Good enough for me. To the jail cell, bitch!" the guard smiled, dragging her by her hair.

"But Edward! Edward! He has my dildo!" she cried.

"Who gives a fuck?" the pregnant bitch said.

"Your face ain't pregnant," Carlyle said with a gay lisp. The girls started punching him, but he cried out 'stop it! Stop it!' and cried out femininely, but no one cared.

~later that week~

"You didn't come get me! I won't make a baby with you!" Bella cried.

"But I'm hot," Edward grunted.

"Okay," she said girlishly.

"Oh, yeah, we're fuckin. Ooh, yeah, we're fuckin," Edward sang while he thrusted into her.

"Edward, get out of my vagina! That's not where it goes!" Bella cried.

"But..ooh, yeah, we're fuckin," he continued singing.

"Stop it-stop it-stop it," she screamed.

"Fine, it's out. What the fuck?!? You gave me fucking herpes you bitch!" he screamed. "Ooh, yeah, I'm kickin your ass. Ooh, yeah, I'm kickin your ass."

"No stop slap! No stop slap!" Bella screamed. BOOM! Crashed the door.

"Get the fuck off of her!" Jacob screamed. He was wearing a super suit with the letter 'Q' stamped on the front. 'V' was on the back.

"What the fuck is with the suit?" Edward asked.

"I'm apart of the Queer Vamps, you know, the gang of superheroes who happen to be gay vampires?" he asked.

"But you're not a vampire," Edward hissed.

Jacob sighed and started crying like a bitch. "See, this is why we all come out together, because people like you are mean to me!" he squealed like a bitch.

"There, there," Bella crooned. "At least your coochie isn't being rotted out by a venereal disease," Bella smiled.

"That's in my anus," he cried. He then let out a heavy sigh. "Could you be with me, Edward? Please?"

"But you're not a vampire!" Edward exclaimed. Jacob gave him a pouty face.

Edward groaned and stood behind him. Jacob shifted to hug them both. He soon started rocking back and forth. Bella gave him a strange look, but then she saw what was going on.

"Oh, yeah, it's in the ass! Oh, yeah, it's in the ass!" they chanted together.

"Whoa! They came together!" Little Richard squealed from the corner of the room. Bella gave them strange looks.

"They get a song for incest? What about my gonorrhea and herpes?" she cried.

"GET A ROOM!" they screamed. Bella sobbed and ran away.

~in her room~

"No one fucking likes me because I'm an ugly bitch with herpes. But it's okay. I just saved hundreds of dollars by switching my car insurance to…wait. It's higher. NOTHING LIKES ME!" she sobbed and screamed. No one came from her closet to help her, or her bathroom, so she went back to her vanity and looked into the three mirrors.

"You're a whore, Bella," she said to the one on the left. "You're a bitch, Bella," she said to the one on her right. "You're a lesbian, Bella," she said to the one in the middle. A dykish chick then came up behind her and started to nibble at her neck. "You're not doing it right," Bella groaned.

"Fine, I'll munch on your clitoris," the dyke grunted, ripping Bella's clothes off with one awesome motion. Little Richard then came from the closet to do the incest song, but seeing Bella's bush made him do 'AH! IT'S BURNING MY MOTHER FUCKING EYES! IT'S BURNING MY MOTHER FUCKING EYES! AHHHH!'

"What? It gets a weeding every few months," Bella glared at him. He looked up to her again, but started screaming.

"I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING! OH, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD! I'M MELTING!" he screamed, falling through a giant hole in the floor and onto a water bed on the next floor. Edward was singing 'Ooh, yeah, oh yeah we're fucking, what? Ooh, yeah, oh yeah we're fuckin, what?' while ramming his cock into Jacob's ass. Jacob came in the background of the song and laughed. "Ooh, oh yeah, yeah the sprinkler's workin, BITCH!" he sang.

"Dude, you're a sick mother fucker," Little Richard grimaced. "But, damn you make me want to be a man again," he grunted, jumping on top and rubbing his nonexistent penis against Edward's ass, mumbling, 'it'll be in you again…one day. I said it'll be in you again one day!' he sang. Bella and her dyke then fell through the ceiling. The group looked around at each other.

"Ooh, what the fuck, yes fucking, we're fucking…homos!" they all sang.

**And this concludes my Twilight spoof. Now flame me!**


End file.
